Hey, Kelsey!!

I've been sitting here for a while now, trying to decide where to start in my storytelling. There's a whole lot to cover, and the more I think about things I've done and places I've been, the fuzzier each individual memory gets. So I decided to open with one of my favourite memories.

New York City, 2010
The biggest and best trip I've ever taken began on May 20th, 2010 and ended some time in late August. Yes, that statement would sound better if I had the exact date of my return, but the final two weeks in Hawai'i made me lose track of time and space, and in exchange, gave me an awesome tan. Definitely a worthy tradeoff, even if my expanding waistline made me look a little bit like the Buddha.

Entitled 'The Great Escape', my then-girlfriend, now-fiancé, soon to be-wife (if I live long enough) Jessica and I set off for England, Paris, New York, Vancouver Island, San Francisco and Oahu. Saving up for the trip was easier than you'd think, because back then I was living at home and my day-to-day expenses were few. Dad did all of the shopping and never charged me rent, so other than splurging on Nintendo products every now and then, I was quite the adept saver. In hindsight, I was also a bum and my father deserved better. But that's neither here nor there.

Going to New York for the first time was both a shock to the senses and an absolute relief. A relief, because when I was a kid, my experiences of NYC were limited to what I saw in Ghostbusters and Ninja Turtles. Back when the streets were filthy, the subway was dangerous, and you were liable to be attacked by enormous mutant reptiles.

New York was cleaned up in the meantime, but nobody told me that. We were expecting to be mugged at the first street corner, plus excessive watching of SVU made me assume someone was sexually assaulted once every six minutes. I really didn't want to be mugged. Depending on the assaulter in question, maybe the second one wouldn't be quite so bad. On the shuttle from JFK, we were nervous as hell. The sky seemed grey and foggy. The buildings monotonous and dilapidated. The grass... frankly, nonexistent. Oh no! Was this New York?

Fortunately, we had nothing to fear. It was only Queens. Haha.

Once we hit Manhattan, and the visual spectacle began, our concerns were lifted. The first time you see New York up close and personal, it's an experience like no other - I certainly haven't felt like that since, though I imagine it might be similar when you arrive in Tokyo. Just with fewer chibis. Far, far fewer chibis.

Manhattan is a place where you feel like anything can happen. And despite all of the glitz and the sparkle, it's a place that has a lot of depth and soul. Some may think otherwise, but I certainly felt connected with New Yorkers, in spite of their terrible taste in sporting franchises.

And no more did that sentence ring true than the night we saw our first show on Broadway. As a precursor, let me advise anyone thinking of making a trip to NYC and intending to see a Broadway show, that it's best if you plan ahead. That may sound obvious, but getting tickets on-site can be a hectic experience. In our case, we knew we wanted to see something, but had no idea what, so we went to the infamous TKTS booth in Times Square.

To be clear, the TKTS booth itself is fantastic. You can get last-minute discounted tickets for just about anything, and the staff are super efficient and the lines are well maintained. However, the sheer number of people lining up means that you'll go from waiting around for ages, to having to make a split-second decision once you hit the booth. After all, you don't want to be the jackass holding everyone else up asking which show is most appropriate for children aged 4-12 and whether the pyrotechnics will damage your corneas. Screw it! Take them to the Book of Mormon and hope for the best.

Fortunately, while you're waiting there's literally thousands of digital billboards cycling through the musicals on offer, and tons of opportunities to see actors you'd admired on television, live! Would we be enthralled by Sean Hayes and Kristin Chenowith in Promises, Promises? Would we partake of the frightful fun of the Addams Family, starring Nathan Lane and Bebe Neuwirth? Or would we buy tickets for Lips Together, Teeth Apart from a nearby scalper and cry ourselves to sleep?

In the end, we went with La Cage Aux Folles for a few reasons, mainly because we love the Birdcage and... OMG Kelsey Grammer OMGGGGGGGG ~

Pardon me for that last paragraph. Grammer often leads to a lack of Grammar. To be clear, I love that guy. Love him. Enjoyed him immensely as Frasier, obviously, and always thought he would be the perfect casting for the Beast in X-Men. When the Last Stand came out, I was vindicated. For Kelsey was the Beast. Kelsey was the Best.

We arrived at Longacre Theatre later that night, ready for the fun and frivolity of a grandiose musical. We've seen a few shows around the world, but there seems to be a certain extra bit of energy around the Broadway foyer. Is it the notion that one of your favourite actors is only a few feet way from you? Or the gigantic man in drag taking a photo with your girlfriend, as he put it, 'face to face'?

The show itself was excellent. The story is great fun, the songs are catchy, and when Douglas Hodge delivered a rousing 'I Am What I Am' to close the first act, the theatre erupted. Hodge was the deserving recipient of the Tony for Best Actor for his portrayal of Albin in this show, and, most appropriately, Tony was enthralled on this night.

I would be loath to forget, however, one of the most memorable performances of the night. And it was of a young man seated two rows in front of us, a man whose enthusiasm was so expressive, even the actors took notice. During one of the early scenes, one of the jokes was delivered, and a laugh arose from the crowd. ...One particular laugh was louder and longer than all others.

It's hard to describe this laughter in text, but just picture the most unusual sounding guffaw ringing across the theatre, growing in volume like a symphonic crescendo, while the creator of said chortle is rocking wildly back and forth in his seat like he was the sole rider of an invisible roller coaster. He was bouncing, he was bobbing, he was capturing the attention of those seated around him. Grammer and Hodge paused for a moment, glimpsing briefly to see if this was some drunken clown who was trying to steal the limelight.

Nope. He was just loving it. To the point where the show may have possibly run longer than expected to allow for this guy to finish cackling. If only I liked anything as much as this guy liked La Cage Aux Folles. The world would be a much better place, I think.

When the show ended, we did the necessary thing: hung around the stage exit, trawling for autographs. Somehow, we had a prime position right towards the front of the barricade, though I don't recall how or why. It's not like we immediately shot out of the theatre once the curtain went down, throwing people aside in order to stake our glorious spot, but sometimes fate smiles upon us.

And so the actors came out. First, members of Les Cagelles. We had read in the program that one of them was Australian, so of course we had a discussion with him after the show, congratulating him and sharing some sort of deep connection as a countryman ('onya mate', or something similar).

Soon, a security guard of some description came out. He addressed the crowd with projection that would have made any actor proud. He said, quite simply, 'Kelsey will be signing autographs for a short period of time. You can take photos of him, but he will not be posing for photos. I repeat, he will not be posing for photos!'

There was an audible groan amongst the throng, but it made perfect sense to me. If Kelsey Grammer was taking photos with everyone, he'd be out there for hours. Hell, he'd need an intermission with the amount of time he'd be spending, appearing pensive and being forced to wish people 'good mental health'. Then, he emerged. The man himself, sporting a rather snappy striped shirt. He signed autographs for people, really taking his time and engaging them in small talk. People shouted out to him, 'you were wonderful, Mr. Grammer!' and 'we enjoyed the show, Mr. Grammer!'. In true Aussie form, Jess yelled out, 'Hey, Kelsey, have a good night!' - his response, with an amused look on his face, 'Oh! Thank you!'

But before he left, Kelsey noticed something. A woman in a wheelchair who was unable to reach over the barrier for her programme to be signed. And this, it seems, did not sit well with Mr. Grammer. And so, he manoeuvred around the barrier, jotted down his autograph, and bent down to take a photo with her.

Sadly, of course, his kindness was awarded with every jerk in the nearby vicinity also demanding he pose for a photo. Four or five, in succession, thrusting their camera at him like they were nets, as he attempted to make his way out of the melee.

And yes, I must confess... I was one of those jerks. Because, honestly, if he says no, ahh, at least I tried. He'll never remember me. And if he says yes, then sweet, I've got a photo with Frasier. So I took my heart in my hand, and as he passed me, I said, meekly, 'Excuse me, Mr. Grammer?''

He turned to face me. Unable to summon the words at first, I just held up my camera.

"May I, please?"

He looks at me for what was surely only a second, but felt like an hour. An hour of being stared at by Kelsey Grammer. Sounds romantic when you phrase it like that.

"Yeah, okay."

And so, we whip around to face the camera in my outstretched arm. I don't have time to mess around here, it's one shot, and it's either going to be amazing, or a blurry mess of a photo, indistinguishable between a photo with Kelsey Grammer, or a photo of a grinning gorilla posing alongside Dan Castellaneta. You decide who would be which.

...And there you have it. My photo with Kelsey Grammer. My first show on Broadway. My special night in New York. The city where anything can happen.